Chapter One | Fashionable bearded man | Journalism

Chapter One |  Fashionable bearded man |  Journalism

“Please remain still during facial recognition. Identity has been confirmed. Welcome home, Santa Claus.”


Once the artificial sound stops, the heavy bunker doors slide on their magnetic bars, opening the way for the snow-covered old man. “Okay, let's not waste time, let's get to work, commies. Alexa, please play some background music, but don't Long live the wind. More capable. » Then he hesitates Little Saint Nick In the industrial bunker, while 3D images of fir trees and red and green lasers cover the place. “Ha, Al Beach BoysExcellent choice, it will warm us! », agrees the bearded man.

On his connected watch, he activates some commands to jam the networks and location. “Hey, hey,” he laughs, “now my IP says I’m in the Bahamas.” Journalists' bells will search everywhere to find me. Although they will be able to suspect my tax evasion…it's a pity. It's not like I'm making a profit! » Santa then takes out his iThose to assess the billions of destinations that await him this year. A world map sparkling with thousands of lights makes a man's pupil shine.

“Well, first of all, let's go recharge the equipment, so it doesn't break down like it's 2022. Name of the Star Fairy, what a problem!” He took the escalator, and there he was in the basement of his hideout. As he approached an animal Reindeer, he places his index finger on their muzzles: 22% of the batteries left for one, 14% for the other. “Talk to me about planned obsolescence, you…” he said regretfully, running large cables to the animals' sides. “Charging. “It will be completed on December 23,” says the reindeer.

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“It was minus one. Let's go prepare the game plan, now,” Santa Claus decides, and returns upstairs. He pushed his latest tablet where he consulted Plush press Every morning, he sits in a soft chair and puts on a virtual reality headset. “Simulation begins,” Alexa announces. Here Saint Nicholas is shown on his future journey, observing the openings of the huts and the annual updates. Tears stream down his cheeks as he flies over certain areas of the world. “Terrible, terrible… Every year, it's the same,” he said, shuddering.

Suddenly, the virtual man feels his sleeve being pulled forcefully. After the start, he takes off his helmet and discovers 6G, one of his loyal dwarves. Funny name, isn't it? He inherited it because he is always one step ahead technologically, making him one of Santa's favorite companions.

“Hey 6G, hello old branch!”
– Good morning sir ! welcome back ! I have a great idea.
“Speak, good 6G, my hairy ears are reserved for you…”

The genie leans over to whisper his secret plan to his patron saint.
“What do you mean, I farted?!”, the latter exasperated.
– no no no. ChatGPT. It is a program that answers a lot of questions using artificial intelligence. We can use it to decide on gift choices this year. »

At first, Santa Claus becomes excited. “Of course, you have to keep up with the times! Let's have your program extract the entire list of Earthlings and assign a gift to each of them. We usually do this manually, so this should save us this tedious task.”

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6G brought him the slim laptop from the stash and they clicked through some settings together. After much thought, the program begins sending a series of names and corresponding gifts. But quickly consulting that, there's something bothering our Santa…

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About the Author: Hermínio Guimarães

"Introvertido premiado. Viciado em mídia social sutilmente charmoso. Praticante de zumbis. Aficionado por música irritantemente humilde."

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