psychology
Others love you more than you think
If you constantly doubt yourself when meeting new people, it may be because of the “likeability gap”. explanations.
published
Did I say a lot of nonsense? Often, we ask ourselves after meeting new people. This may be due to the “likeability gap” phenomenon.
PEXELS / Elevate
You just met someone or recently joined a group and hang out with people you don’t know very well. In fact, you are having a good time together. But looking back, you suddenly say to yourself, “I guess they don’t like me. What more nonsense did I say. Did I talk too much about myself? Or was I just not fun enough and everyone thinks I’m stupid now?”
The likeness gap phenomenon
A series of thoughts are running through your head and you find it hard to stop. This is probably due to what is called the “likeability gap” or “appreciation gap” in French. This phenomenon describes the fact that you deeply doubt yourself, while your interlocutor sees you as sympathetic.
Would you rather hide in a mouse hole than meet new people? This may be due to the likeness gap.
PEXELS / PRAGYAN BEZBARUAH
The “likeability gap” was the subject of a study conducted by a team led by researcher Erica Boothby of Cornell University in the US. I found that many people suffer from chronically low self-esteem when it comes to how many people they talk to like them and enjoy their company.
One of the main causes of the crush gap is our inner critic. Who doesn’t know that stern, ever-demanding little voice in our head that so often gives us a feeling of inadequacy? The problem is that we generally think other people think exactly the same of us. Whereas people in general are far more charitable than our harsh inner critic.
Others are generally more charitable than our inner critic.
PEXELS Studio / COTTONBRO
However, it is very unusual, after a conversation, to ask the person in front of you how much he appreciates us. So we are forced to rely on our own evaluation and then tend to listen a lot to our critical inner voice.
However, we must bear in mind that our new acquaintances are often prey to the same suspicions. During a conversation, they may be quite insecure and care more about the impression they make than observing and judging what you do in detail.
Introspection is important
Obviously, there’s nothing wrong with questioning yourself from time to time and thinking about the impression you’re making on others. But if this Thinking takes on disproportionate proportions And it leads to a systematic devaluation of the self, which can have negative repercussions on our well-being.
So the next time you think you were being awkward in a conversation, remember that chances are the other person is going to think the same thing about themselves and you. very good.
